The word "epic" has become a staple of the film industry in the last few years. Often used to describe the works of Mr. Spielberg and King Hobbit himself Peter Jackson, lately the word has been diluted by overzealous marketers and sadly, sound bite happy film critics. What once conveyed an intense experience that overwhelmed moviegoers with visual and audio gravitas is now used to convey length. And Chandni Chowk to China is long. Epically long.
 
     What begins as a Bollywood slapstick comedy about a ne'er-do-well Indian street chef (Akshay Kumar) mistaken for a reincarnated warrior foretold to save an oppressed Chinese village, slowly dissolves into a cautionary lesson on the virtues of finding a good editor. Lifting (and sometime outright pilfering) both the iconic and clichÈd moments from many American cinema classics, Chandni Chowk to China never seems to find its own voice. One minute the hero is slipping on banana peels, the next avenging his father's death and back again. Movies like Rush Hour have blended action and comedy before with fluidity but here, if cut differently, could be two distinct films.  Around the 1 hour and 45 minutes mark, the story slips effortlessly into the climax with our hero poised to become the warrior within, only to fail and be jerked back into the second act complete with a seven minute Karate Kid training montage.  Unfortunately there are many "fooled you" endings that leave the audience squirming in their seat and checking their watch.
 
     This is not to say that Chandni Chowk is devoid of highlights. The eye candy special effects evoke the films of Asian auteur Stephen Chow (Shaolin Soccer). The picture also puts on display the varied range of star Akshay Kumar. The actor must be at one moment handily beat down a gang of thugs and the next worship a potato he keeps in his pocket.  There is even one laugh out loud moment that will forever be etched in the comedic part of my brain. In a more time conscience movie this would be the recipe for a fun romp (especially with the fanciful Bollywood dance scenes) but here it is too few and far between.
 
     Chandni Chowk to China is rated PG-13 mostly for comic violence including two beheadings and one murder by chopstick.  It should be noted that this film is subtitled since that is a no-go for most people but you can get the gist without them. You just might not be awake to care. I give Chandni Chowk 1 out of 5 Potato Gods.